End of the year 2008.
i finally finished my 5 1/2 years course and by end of december i got posted to a state which is very far from my hometown. when i first received the news, i cried. i cried a lot. i don't expect that i will be posted to that state. it is far. everyone knows that. but i know as a newbies, i can't be choosy. i chose this career although not full-heartedly. it's my parent who decided that for me indeed. so, i go.
Early 2009.
i came here, to a new state- by aeroplane if i must tell you. a very new place for me, a very strange place with new people, new dialect, new language. everything was fresh and new for me. thank to Allah. as me being me, i adapt very well here. i adjusted myself in a quite short time. mak pun pernah cakap, "kakda ni, buang kat padang pasir pun bleh hidup." they trusted me and with their prayers i adapt myself very well.
i came to this school as a new teacher. i don't have confidence at first. i realise that i don't have enough knowledge to teach the children. my students are not small children. they are big kids. being sent to a Technic school i realize that i will be teaching upper form of secondary school- Form 4 and Form 5. during my previous practicum, i taught Form 1 and Form 2 class. thus, it's quite awkward for me at first when i first entered the class. how should i treat them? how can i be close to them? how can i make them cooperate with me? how should i make them to want to learn?
a lot of questions was playing in my head at that time. as time goes, i suited myself with the classes that i teach. there were hard times with them. there were times when i felt like not entering the class at all. there were times when these kids really test my patience. there were times when i felt very frustrating with their responses in class. there were times when i didn't do any preparation before entering the clas. there were times when i felt like giving up everything and not teaching anything. those were difficult times.
there were times when i felt in love with them. the innocent kids who sometimes make you feel like screaming outloud, they did utter words which sometimes melt my heart away. i am very lucky to have sm. in the earlier months, i always have problem with this one class. everytime i have class with them, i will call sm. first. i always said this, "macam malas je nk masuk.. seriously, sd. takde mood langsung nak masuk kelas derang. bukan derang nk belajar pun b. penat tau sd. duk jerit2 dlm kelas.. sometimes, when i brought teaching aids, derang bukan nk peduli pun.. give up dah sd. b..." his respond was, "be their friend syg. touch their heart.."
it is not easy. there were times when i felt like bursting into tears in front of the class.
End of 2009.
now, it's nearing the end of the year. time flies very fast indeed. it's almost a year that i reside here in twu, sabah. negeri di bawah bayu. who would expect that i will have this opportunity to work here, live here for how long more i also don't know. it's almost i year that i teach 4 classes of Form 4 students at this Technic school. i was appointed with quite a number of posts in this school. so far i think i can manage it. if i need to say thank you for this year, i have a very long list to thank to.
it's also the end for me teaching the classes that i taught. i have this heavy feeling to let them go. i would love to continue teaching the same class next year. for their SPM exam. however, i believe it is the tradition of this school to not allow new teachers to teach SPM kids. also, i am not fully confident with myself to teach them.
when i started teaching this year, i dont expect that i will be able to move their heart. because in my case, there was only one teacher who motivates me so much. i don't expect me to have that power too. i call it 'power' because you will need a lot of guts to touch people's heart.
in the paper 1 of Form 4 final exam, one of the questions of continuosu writing is Dreams. many students answered that i believe. and what did touch my heart are these:
"..... i want to be a teacher like Teacher H****syahida. i enjoy with she teaching me.
i can understand all, and now my english subject more better than before this....
".... i think all the person have a dream like me, but when the person not have a dream they not how to go to your future. like my teacher H****syahida she have a dream. she not smart in english but today she teach me english and when she teach me i very like and fast i understand what she teach me...."
"..... after months, i have a letter from my father, he said i received study in New Zealand.."
it touched my heart when reading this. i did told them the story about my difficult journey in learning english and how i got the chance to study oversea and stuff.
i am so glad that it's me that bring this small change to these students. it means a LOT to me.
Alhamdulillah.