From Zero to One.

I bought a new laptop last two weeks. It has been in my wish list since last year but i've put it on hold. Last year I used my husband's old laptop until it went totally kapoot at the end of the year. Pheww. Good bye 2013.

So its the new laptop now since my last purchases in 2006. The previous laptop has given me so much i now realized.

It's the new laptop and heyy Welcome to Windows 8. And i have zero knowledge on it. My husband who is kononnya a geek in computer also have no idea about Windows 8 because he's been an Apple user for years.

I have been struggling these few days juggling on how to use the laptop, but lucky me i know how to switch on the Wifi and go online. Haha. That's enough in think for the meant time.

It's a new learning process for me. The husband said as long as you know how to store the documents you typed, find it back and print it out, that's okay lah.

And today i discover something new. I managed to PASTE the print screen page that i want to use for my class on the Paint Apps. I've been searching for the Paint Apps since yesterday silly me. I just need to search it actually.

Now, i need to figure out how to close the Apps that i accidentally opened. 

Windows 8, bring it on!

Salam and greetings.

A teacher's patience.

Ive never felt so overwhelmed with feelings before while dealing with students.

It was previous Tuesday when i entered this one class, that i cant contain my anger, i snapped then i just walked away from the class promising myself that i will never enter that class again. Not for any reason what so ever.

Actually its been so long that i kept my patience in tact with this particular class. Precisely, since they were in Semester 1 when i taught them History subject. Now they are in Semester 4 and ive been teaching them English for two semesters continuously. There were hiccups along the way, i said to myself to be patience - this is just the challenge of being a teacher. Futhermore, the English level for students in this class are a range of intermediate and high intermediate. They are among good English students in this college, compared to other courses. Im actually quite lucky to have this class. Thus i can remain this long teaching them eventhough my inside is really crying with pain, i mean anger.

Its been too much for me to handle. They are becoming more relax in class, didn't bother to do the task i assign to them, not handling assignments although i repeatedly telling them that the assignments carried major marks for their certificate, giving various reasons for not doing the homeworks or assignments, and mind-sleeping in class. I know those ive listed above are quite normal challenge for teachers. But at the end of the day, i felt so helpless that i gave up and i know i have to do something with it. i cant let this go like this anymore.

My husband who is also a teacher always a soother. He told me to be patience because other teachers are facing great great challenge if compared to what i have. He will see me not in good mood a day or the night before i have this particular class and soothe me. It does help me for a while but after i enter the class, all my preparation, excitement and plan go whoooops! Gone. And im left with frustration.

They are good students. But perhaps they are too comfortable with me and the way i teach so they didnt respect and appreciate me anymore. Its time for the change. This year is my 5th year of teaching. I know im still a kid. The decision i made is actually for the students. I dont want to continue teaching them with no heart thus i change it with other teacher. Luckily our schedule is very negotiable that im able to do that.

The new class that i got is lower to intermediate students and they are well-known with kaki ponteng and kaki tidur in class. But ive made this decision and im taking this challenge whole-heartedly.

Inshaa Allah for a good reason.

Immediate transfer.

The result of eg-tukar for June 2013 will cime out in days i guess. The possibility for me and the husband to get the transfer is very slim.

Last few days, my school received a letter which offers teachers to be lecturers in the chosen ILP. Basically they have one in each state. And the job will start immediately as July. This is a immediate transfer and reading through the letter, they sound like they are desperately want those teachers.

Among the ILP on the list is one from Marang Terengganu. Then im torn.

I really want to be close to my family after years of being away eversince i left home after SPM. I saw this is like a great opportunity. They really need those teachers and will be tranferred immediately.

When i ask my husband, the only concern he has is he might not be able to see Muizz everyday if i got tranferred! Hey, what about me? Don't you miss me at all?? (Rolling eyes)

Then i realized about the working time and the holiday will be different to the normal school. I might not be able to spend the holiday with my husband and my future children because we have diferrent takwim. Hmmmph. If i go with this i might get it and later realized this is not actually what i really want.

So, family comes first as Dr Muhaya said. This might be the last opportunity for me to get immediate transfer. But im gonna be patience and continue filling the eg-tukar forms each time it comes, praying that hopefully at the end of the day both me and the husband gonna get the transfer.

I hope im making a good decision this time.

Away.

i had to go for a three days two nights course last week in Subang. If you are a mother, living on your own without any family members around, you will know how i felt the first time i heard the news. At that time, Muizz was the only vital person that i can think of.

After so much discussion with the husband, i decided to go for the course. My husband's school has limited phone connection, so we were basically texting each other to discuss. I have to decide in quick, because apparently i will board the flight the next day and the office needs to book the flight tics for me. I was overwhelm at that time- of leaving Muizz with strangers or go on with the task assigned.

The whole time i was texting with my husband, his only concern was only Muizz. Ive never been apart from him since he was born. He slept with me and only me since then. Can he sleep with other people- since i realizes that my husband was not confident to take care of Muizz on his own.

I called the babysitter and expectedly, she said 'Okay!'. Then im relieved.

What i was expecting from my husband as we were texting was ' Can someone else replace me?'. But he never asked that question. Perhaps he knew how excited i was to get to go for a course because im never been in one since ive started working. He is so understanding that im so glad that i have him as my husband. 

Then off i went for the course. And on that first day, i kept calling and texting the babysitter to ask about Muizz well-being till i reckoned she was rimas with me. Haha. But she is a good girl i tell you because of her patience to deal with a freak-out-left her son with stranger- for 3 days mummy.

 Before i left him for 3 days.

In short, the 3 days im away was in a way a good thing for both of us. Muizz was behaving well the whole time im not with him. Sleeping at night also was not a problem. From that i realized that my boy perhaps someone who can adjust with surrounding. He knew that mummy was not around, so he bevahed like an angle.

As for me, i got 2 nights off without disturbance from little hands as well as big hands (haha), but sadly, i wasn't sleeping so well either. I kept waking up those 2 nights, thinking how my baby is doing.  And once i touched down in KK, the only things im eager to is meeting my baby boy.

Im glad that we both survived this separation in a good way.

What a good surprise to meet a familiar face in that course and surprise or not, we were roomate!!!

My timetable for the 1st 6 months.

It's the first day of school today for 2013.

So i've received the timetable for this semester and guess what, just as what i expected; i'll be teaching 2 subjects,  English and Moral. 2 hours for English and another 2 hours for Pendidikan Moral. Well, if you are good at Math you'll for sure realize i'll be teaching 4 hours a week!

 

Bosannya!

But who am i to complain. Friends and family kept telling me to enjoy this time because it's really rare for teachers to have this kind of timetable. Usually teachers complain that they have busy timetable until they have no time to rest, eat etc. On the other hand i'll have the whole week to goyang kaki (?).

Im just not used to it that's why im applying for transfer. Hope that my wish is granted this year.

A good news after bad news.

My school holiday will start on the 8th of December. That's the recent news which is good because before this the holiday is a week after the date before.

I hope its finalized now because we have bought the tickets home. At least three great weeks at home compared to two. 

Share.

Just to share this with fellow SPM teachers.

http://edu.joshuatly.com/

He provides exam questions and answers from all states. Brilliant works. 

Much thanks for the blog owner.

Ecstatic vs tormented.

3 bulan lebih tak masuk kelas mengajar. Pagi tadi masuk kelas sangat-sangat eksaited mengajar u'olls. Haha. Sangat tak sangka diri ini begitu eager menjadi cikgu. Keluar je kelas terus text husband:

"Bestnye masuk kelas. Rasa alive bleh jumpa budak2. hehe"

Lame. I know!

...................................................

Tomorrow is the day that i know what i need to do with my breast problem. It's been 3 weeks with pain and the abscess finally pecah. Hopefully i've push out all the nanah inside. If not, i will need to be admitted, do a minor surgery to clean it. The doctor said i may be admitted for 5 days for it.

However, she prescribed me with antibiotik yang sangat kuat for me to consume for 3 days. Kalau pergi check esok, luka dah kering and no more nanah, means that tiada infection- so tak perlu ke hospital. If not i need to go hospital and warded.

Macam mana ngan anak i?

;(

We are the state champion!!!

In debate competition for the Karnival Stavotek. i've been in Tawau for 3 years and since then, unabled to bring the team to Perak due to the graduation day in IPBA. Then, in 2010, i chaperoned the team for national level in Muar, but we didnt make it as national champion as we did in 2009.

and this year, i've just moved to this school end of february, helped with the script writing, a lil bit with the training (since the heavy-weight condition that i have) and they, the Beaufort team: always the underdog one because we are new school and nobody expected it, and they make it to Final winning over Tawau in semi final (which was already a big victory!),

and they WON!!!

congratulations to the kids. They really prove that they can do it.

and they are going to Penang this year!! Alhamdulillah...

footnote: seems like the luck follows me here. lol.

A decision has been made and it's final.

I received a letter couple weeks ago directed me to move to Beaufort. It was perhaps an awaited news for certain people but not for me. I knew about it before the letter arrived but seeing that it hasn't arrived when it was supposed to, I guess it will never arrived.

However, I am wrong and the letter got to me with the date of new lapor diri is only 1 week away from the date it arrived.

I cried when I received the letter. It was not the transfer that I wanted. I can't say that I was forced to accept it, but somehow I think I'm forced to. I hate it when people decide on my life, especially a very important decision that can change my entire life. I hate that I was treated like a small child that I have to obey whatever their plan is. It was difficult to explain the whole situation here. What can I say is, I'm not in the position to decline this offer anymore.

By the way, time flies fast and I have another week in Twu before I move for good to Beaufort. The words 'for good' really affect me so much. It bothers me so much that some nights I cried myself to sleep. I really love my life here. And having to know that the transfer that I applied last year was rejected, I have prepared myself to live alone here, at least until June. Having this sudden news affected and shocked me and I really can't accept that my life will drastically change.

I love the way this small town operates. I love the way it has made me grown up. It shapes me the way I am right now. Here is when I spend the most important years in my life. It teaches me how to be an adult, be responsible to myself, independence and stand on my own two feet. Here is where I started my career, my adult life, getting to know the meaning of surviving life, having a home that I love so much although it's rented and buying my own car. Basically, I have everything that I want in this small town. I feel home here.

I can't imagine that this move affected me so much that it's so difficult for me to accept the fact that I'll be leaving this place soon for good. Maybe I'm still in denial. I can't believe that I will leave this place with such a hard feeling.

Although the mix emotions I'm having, the only reason that I look forward for this move is I'll be able to be with the husband. We finally will be able to live together. He will have to travel 70 minutes to and fro to his school and the worst part of this move is I will work office hours which is from 7 to 4. It's not school anymore. It's a college. Huh, how excited that sounds? Nope.

If you know me, you will know that I'm not that good with strangers. It's not easy for me to make new friends. I am not the one who will go say hi to people during parties or get-together. I prefer to stay away from those people and sometimes I hope people will not try to make small talk with me. Weird, I know. Since I came here, this year was the starting year that I'm making friends, I mean real friends. The one that we can talk about anything, we can laugh together and the ones that we don't feel weird to be with in silence.

I am going to be in such difficult time once I move to the new workplace I guess. And having to survive till 4 pm?? Owh my.

This one, is not going to be a smooth transfer for me. It takes time I know. But how long?

First step.

Alhamdulillah. Finally i am able to access the egtukar. After heaps of call in and call out.

TQ Allah. You heard our prayer. Semoga segalanya dipermudahkan selepas ini.

Apply jangan tak apply.

Banyak sangat dugaan akhir-akhir ni. E-gtukar saya masih belum dapat di access. Dah call sana sini sinun. paham-paham je la kalau call goverment's office macam mana kan. belum lagi menyumpah seranah, tak kan masuk line tu. but once, the line got attached, terus bercakap dengan sonpan santun. ye lah, kita nk mintak tolong orang kan.

so far, they've faxed my details to me and after some alterations, i've faxed them back. Have called them and they say, i mean She said i will need to wait for them to fill in the data, then i can access the e-gtukar. She said tomorrow.

InyaAllah.

dah macam susah sangat even nak isi borang pun macam-macam masalah, my hubby said " macam Allah nak tolong kita je dapat pindah kali ni macam susah sangat ni..."

InsyaAllah sayang. Jangan lupa solat hajat.

i miss u~

In Deep Trouble.

one little missy was missing.

Yes I am in the middle of a very deep trouble. I really miss my home, mak, ayah, the whole siblings, the in-laws, the home’s surrounding, the familiar and cosy feeling of being at home, mak’s homemade cook. Basically I really really miss everything about home. I want to be home.

The thing that I can’t wait for is going home to celebrate Aidilfiri at the end of this month. And after that, comes September when I’ll be going to fill in the transfer form. I’ve discussed with my boyfriend about the transfer; should I apply to be transferred to his place or we both apply to go back to peninsular. We need to discuss this with both families first. However, I prefer the latter option.

I’ve been struggling living and surviving alone here. I’m not a person who have many friends and that makes it harder to live. I don’t really make friends easily, I’m not good with strangers and people that I just knew, I’m not good at small talk with strangers. It awkwards me. Like always.

I’ve been living alright since 2009 here. And starting this year, I can feel the difference. I just feel that I don’t belong here anymore. I just can’t wait to go back home every school holidays and I can’t wait to go to my boyfriend’s place during weekends. It’s hard, yes I know. But, being rational, I have to force myself.

Alah bisa tegal biasa. Sometimes I can use this phrase in my daily life.

I have been away from home since 2002. But I’ve never feel this way. I miss my friends. When I was in NZ, it was not this hard. I have a good circle of friends that always be there no matter where, how and what. I miss Mai, Nada, Jie. I miss syd~ like hell. There’s always time I wanted to make call to one of these friends but I don’t know how to describe my feelings. I am not good in confrontation. I tend to swallow my feelings in front of others. That’s why my colleagues don’t realize that I am NOT happy.

My weight. It shows. I eat. Not a lot. But the same as others. But it goes down day by day. My inner self is NOT happy. Outside, I am good and fit as sd that people know.

I really need the transfer home. I can’t wait for it. I can’t imagine my life if I need to live here for another 6 months next year if I don’t get the transfer early 2012. I wish bahagian pertukaran of KPM read my blog. Owh hell!

the chaos.


little cheeky in the middle. Adorable~

Peeps, please pray for me.

Help.

Topic: Social network sites can increase the social problem among teenagers.

Government side.

The tournament will be held early April in Bufot.

The Journey to Muar.

Gathering in school before leaving.
Allah bless us.
At the airport. LCCT yes. Low cost airline.
The football team before we headed to separate ways. They went to Batu Pahat. We off to Muar.
List of schools that were competing.
The first match in the first round that doomed us. It was a tough fight i must say.
Tak dapat bawa balik cup, snap picture in a cup pun jadi lah. :p
One of the endless training.
After the first loss. They did the best, they deserved the treat.

It was not our luck this time.

Talking about the HOT stuff.

So, what is the current (hot) stuff about me now? Of course about my school debate team lah. Boring? Not really.

Since we won for the Sabah + WP Labuan region last May, so we are now preparing for Kej*hanan Ant*ra T*knik national level which Johor is the tuan rumah for this year.

The competition will be held in 3 SMt schools in Johor namely SMt Muar, SMt Batu Pahat and SMt Segamat this early June. Yes, during the holiday! Dem.

Before I proceed, let me recall back what had happened in Sandakan hari tu. For the debate competition, each school will be given 3 topics. 1 for the first round, 2nd is for the semi final and the 3rd is for final. If you loose in the first round, you will be competing in the loser pool for the plate cup. If you loose in the semi final, you will loose lah. They don’t have 3rd and 4th place. Pelik jugak la for me.

These are the 3 topics which represents 3 different level of competition that we had for the previous competition in Sandakan:

1- Blogs are a form of media abuse.
2- Academic qualification is a prerequisite for future success.
3- Scientific advancement will cause the downfall of mankind.

We got the Opposition side for the 1st and Final topic and Government for the semi final topic. Obviously we won all.

So, what is the recipe for success?

Practise, practice and practice. (Remind me of Mr Ng Hee Liang)

=)

For this coming competition, we have received the topics. And the bad news is they have 4 topics this time; meaning that we have to prepare all the 4 topics script before we off to Johor. For your information, we have to prepare and practice both sides, the Government and Opposition (negative) side. We’ll be only knew on which side we are 1 hour before the competition. Ye, sangat mendebarkan.

Since at this school we have 10 English teachers, so the burden of preparing the script is not that high as we can divide the works among us. Of course, there are some sleeping members too but we manage I think.

These are the topics given:

1- Handphones are a necessity among students in school.
2- Should animals be used as object of sport and entertainment?
3- Food stalls should stop operating after midnight.
4- “One student One sport” policy should be made compulsory at school.

We will have a ‘bye’ for the 2nd round which is the 2nd topic IF we won at the first round. So, fingers cross guys.

I don’t understand why we should debate on the government policy. Of course the information against the topic is limited. And yours truly is writing the last (final) topic- on the policy, for the negative side. Nightmare? Yes, it is.

So guys, any ideas on the point to present for the last topic for negative side?

Please, drop a comment.

Btw, we are going to Muar. ;)

Touch their heart if you can.

End of the year 2008.

i finally finished my 5 1/2 years course and by end of december i got posted to a state which is very far from my hometown. when i first received the news, i cried. i cried a lot. i don't expect that i will be posted to that state. it is far. everyone knows that. but i know as a newbies, i can't be choosy. i chose this career although not full-heartedly. it's my parent who decided that for me indeed. so, i go.

Early 2009.

i came here, to a new state- by aeroplane if i must tell you. a very new place for me, a very strange place with new people, new dialect, new language. everything was fresh and new for me. thank to Allah. as me being me, i adapt very well here. i adjusted myself in a quite short time. mak pun pernah cakap, "kakda ni, buang kat padang pasir pun bleh hidup." they trusted me and with their prayers i adapt myself very well.

i came to this school as a new teacher. i don't have confidence at first. i realise that i don't have enough knowledge to teach the children. my students are not small children. they are big kids. being sent to a Technic school i realize that i will be teaching upper form of secondary school- Form 4 and Form 5. during my previous practicum, i taught Form 1 and Form 2 class. thus, it's quite awkward for me at first when i first entered the class. how should i treat them? how can i be close to them? how can i make them cooperate with me? how should i make them to want to learn?

a lot of questions was playing in my head at that time. as time goes, i suited myself with the classes that i teach. there were hard times with them. there were times when i felt like not entering the class at all. there were times when these kids really test my patience. there were times when i felt very frustrating with their responses in class. there were times when i didn't do any preparation before entering the clas. there were times when i felt like giving up everything and not teaching anything. those were difficult times.

there were times when i felt in love with them. the innocent kids who sometimes make you feel like screaming outloud, they did utter words which sometimes melt my heart away. i am very lucky to have sm. in the earlier months, i always have problem with this one class. everytime i have class with them, i will call sm. first. i always said this, "macam malas je nk masuk.. seriously, sd. takde mood langsung nak masuk kelas derang. bukan derang nk belajar pun b. penat tau sd. duk jerit2 dlm kelas.. sometimes, when i brought teaching aids, derang bukan nk peduli pun.. give up dah sd. b..." his respond was, "be their friend syg. touch their heart.."

it is not easy. there were times when i felt like bursting into tears in front of the class.

End of 2009.

now, it's nearing the end of the year. time flies very fast indeed. it's almost a year that i reside here in twu, sabah. negeri di bawah bayu. who would expect that i will have this opportunity to work here, live here for how long more i also don't know. it's almost i year that i teach 4 classes of Form 4 students at this Technic school. i was appointed with quite a number of posts in this school. so far i think i can manage it. if i need to say thank you for this year, i have a very long list to thank to.

it's also the end for me teaching the classes that i taught. i have this heavy feeling to let them go. i would love to continue teaching the same class next year. for their SPM exam. however, i believe it is the tradition of this school to not allow new teachers to teach SPM kids. also, i am not fully confident with myself to teach them.

when i started teaching this year, i dont expect that i will be able to move their heart. because in my case, there was only one teacher who motivates me so much. i don't expect me to have that power too. i call it 'power' because you will need a lot of guts to touch people's heart.

in the paper 1 of Form 4 final exam, one of the questions of continuosu writing is Dreams. many students answered that i believe. and what did touch my heart are these:

"..... i want to be a teacher like Teacher H****syahida. i enjoy with she teaching me.
i can understand all, and now my english subject more better than before this....

".... i think all the person have a dream like me, but when the person not have a dream they not how to go to your future. like my teacher H****syahida she have a dream. she not smart in english but today she teach me english and when she teach me i very like and fast i understand what she teach me...."

"..... after months, i have a letter from my father, he said i received study in New Zealand.."

it touched my heart when reading this. i did told them the story about my difficult journey in learning english and how i got the chance to study oversea and stuff.

i am so glad that it's me that bring this small change to these students. it means a LOT to me.

Alhamdulillah.

Best kan?

it is really a good feeling to have a career with promising money and encouraging customer.

i just couldn't help to hide the smile on my face everytime i go to the bank on the 25th of the months and watch the balance on the machine's monitor.

what more when it comes in early. very early indeed.

next month it will be on the 10th.

next next month it will be on the 8th.

so kawan-kawan seangkatan, hargailah duit sendiri!

:)

Weehu!!!

Although without transcript,

I'm now done with my SPP interview.

big grin.

Aduh. sakitnya!

pagi tadi aku menyertai acara kemuncak bagi SOT ke-11. iaitu acara 8 x 50 M acara guru dan kakitangan.

i was the last runner and guess what? i pecut-ed so fast and overtook the woman who ran in front of me. dengan sorakan satu stadium, aku berjaya menghabiskan larian di tempat pertama!!!

and diving on the track!!!

imagine what i feel. gile sakit and obviously, malu bah... depan sume students and teachers.

seb baik menang.

luka lutut ku. ouch! sampai sekarang berdenyut-denyut lagi.