It's just another birth-date for me.

Being 26 doesn't change me so much. im still me-in-trouble only a bit sober. growing up and learning from what i've done never been the best thing in my life. i've never stop to fall in love, fall out of it, bad frustration and being in a very dull mood. like forever. i've never done something so drastic to change myself to be a very solehah lady. i've never learnt from my mistakes.

being 26, i realized i have many sins than pahala. i have done many wrongs than the good things. so, have i learnt from it?

no.

i've continued to become sober and sad and dull and no spirit to live. i wish to be the old me. the one who have full of spirit, happy-go-lucky with smile never fail to garnish my lips. i miss my old self. the one with no regrets of what i did. the one who always full of live action. i've lost that person in me. being 26 doesn't make me any better person. i feel so lost.

i miss me. ;(

there must be reason why i became like this. there is. it is my mistake. i should have known i will be unhappy sooner or later the day i did it. i knew it. i knew what happen to me now. but somehow i can't share it with anyone. yet. and that makes things worst.

i want to live my life like i used to. with no worries at all. with nothing to think. i want to live my life as it is. go with the flow. but not the flow that i have right now i my life. my current life is full of worries, anxiousness and full of doubts (bad) in my head.

i miss my old life. the fun. the happiness. the good sleep and eat. the good (sometimes bad) morning wake up. i miss all of those. people around me also realise that im not the same person like they knew me before. i was always the one with high spirit, the one who always ceria, who always make other people ceria. but i lost that person now.

i want my live back. that's why i need to move. to a new place. because i believe a new place will give me my old self back. and frankly speaking i can't wait for that, because i know it's gonna be fun.

fingers cross that my wish will be granted. please. even only this one.