Miserable.

right now, my mother-in-law is shopping heavenly at Pasar Filipin KK with my husband. they plan to makan ikan bakar at marina bay after this. i wish i am there with them. Umi came to Sabah yesterday for work matter and will be leaving tomorrow morning. my husband really wants me to be there with him, as what i wish for too, but its quite impossible. i hope they are enjoying their time there.

im now in my room, where i feel really calm. eating reheat fried rice, balance that i bought last 2 days. i am grateful that Allah makes me calm here. inside my own abode. Since i arrived here last sunday, i have mixed feelings. everything i do failed to make me feel ok. i didn't expect to be my old happy-go-lucky self. i'm just hoping to face the day as it goes. sometimes i'm ok, but most of the time i feel really miserable. i just need my husband with me. because he is the real friend that i have.

i have friends but in my situation right now he is the most important person in my life. being with him for merely 2 weeks make me feel complete. i didn't realize time passes when i'm with him.

i spent most of my time inside my room. i only go out to work and to buy necessary things such as food. before this i don't feel calm staying inside the house all day, but Alhamdulillah, He hears my prayer and now i feel really calm when i reach home. i don't watch tv much these days. my life at home is only in front of the screen, typing my feeling. connecting me with the outside world. and i do sometimes write down what i feel in notebook. it makes me feel better.

i don't like my workplace nowadays. it makes me bored and feel so lost. sitting at my table also didn't make me ok. for the record i've been moving place 3 times this year. the school is not for me anymore. i don't find my self there anymore. i'm out of place. except when i enter the class, i will feel ok. perhaps because that is my responsible and i am really honest to do that, so i can forget my miserable feeling for a while. and having only 17 periods per-week makes me to be more miserable sd than not.

my school is having sukan now and i can't wait for it to over. i wish i don't involve directly with the sukan but sadly not. Ya Allah, buat la hamba-Mu ini rasa masa berlalu dengan cepat.