I've been meaning to write.

Seriously we actually don't have internet connection at the new home. Even the phone line is very weak. And finally today im able to online at the new school (ehem ehem) pinjam my colleague's broadband. Well, the line here is quite fast. Perhaps i need to activate my broadband soon.

I've been meaning to write about many things; the new home, the new school, new workload, timetable. I've been away-out of country for almost 3 weeks and i've just arrived school this week. Will put up pictures of the trip soon.

My life is getting organized now. With the husband with me all the time, i think all the worries are now gone. There are hitch here and there but so far we've been through. Perhaps we've never live under one roof for this long. So basically all the habits, bad and weird ones are now came out. It's funny though on how two different people with different personality, background and ways can live in harmony together.

We are still working on completing the home with necessary items and furnitures. It is a small home, so basically we only stuff in with things that are important. We even dont have dining table and chairs. Tak muat. :p. We have applied for the Astro. But it seems that the Astro application nowadays is complicated since the form needs to be sent to KL first then after that the person in-charge will come to the house to install. We applied on the monday and up until now there is no news yet. Seems like i cant watch Malaysia competing in Axiata Cup this weekend. How frustrating.

The baby is developing well i think. Well i cant really see it now. But he or she is kicking and moving, doing whatever he or she wants inside like all the time. The baby is very active and the nurse didnt say anything during the recent visit on tuesday. I've been gaining a lot of weight!!! In fact, the nurse said i've gained extra 2 kilos for this 4 weeks. haha. Im now weighing 65 kg at 27 weeks. My before pregnant weight was 49 kg. You do the math ok. I dont know how many fat i will yet gain since the due weeks is 40th week. Uhuh. Scary la jugak.

This is the recent photo after we got back from the 3 weeks trip. With abang botak :)

A decision has been made and it's final.

I received a letter couple weeks ago directed me to move to Beaufort. It was perhaps an awaited news for certain people but not for me. I knew about it before the letter arrived but seeing that it hasn't arrived when it was supposed to, I guess it will never arrived.

However, I am wrong and the letter got to me with the date of new lapor diri is only 1 week away from the date it arrived.

I cried when I received the letter. It was not the transfer that I wanted. I can't say that I was forced to accept it, but somehow I think I'm forced to. I hate it when people decide on my life, especially a very important decision that can change my entire life. I hate that I was treated like a small child that I have to obey whatever their plan is. It was difficult to explain the whole situation here. What can I say is, I'm not in the position to decline this offer anymore.

By the way, time flies fast and I have another week in Twu before I move for good to Beaufort. The words 'for good' really affect me so much. It bothers me so much that some nights I cried myself to sleep. I really love my life here. And having to know that the transfer that I applied last year was rejected, I have prepared myself to live alone here, at least until June. Having this sudden news affected and shocked me and I really can't accept that my life will drastically change.

I love the way this small town operates. I love the way it has made me grown up. It shapes me the way I am right now. Here is when I spend the most important years in my life. It teaches me how to be an adult, be responsible to myself, independence and stand on my own two feet. Here is where I started my career, my adult life, getting to know the meaning of surviving life, having a home that I love so much although it's rented and buying my own car. Basically, I have everything that I want in this small town. I feel home here.

I can't imagine that this move affected me so much that it's so difficult for me to accept the fact that I'll be leaving this place soon for good. Maybe I'm still in denial. I can't believe that I will leave this place with such a hard feeling.

Although the mix emotions I'm having, the only reason that I look forward for this move is I'll be able to be with the husband. We finally will be able to live together. He will have to travel 70 minutes to and fro to his school and the worst part of this move is I will work office hours which is from 7 to 4. It's not school anymore. It's a college. Huh, how excited that sounds? Nope.

If you know me, you will know that I'm not that good with strangers. It's not easy for me to make new friends. I am not the one who will go say hi to people during parties or get-together. I prefer to stay away from those people and sometimes I hope people will not try to make small talk with me. Weird, I know. Since I came here, this year was the starting year that I'm making friends, I mean real friends. The one that we can talk about anything, we can laugh together and the ones that we don't feel weird to be with in silence.

I am going to be in such difficult time once I move to the new workplace I guess. And having to survive till 4 pm?? Owh my.

This one, is not going to be a smooth transfer for me. It takes time I know. But how long?

5 months!

Well.

I changed my layout and being me, i don't know how to change the font. Especially for the blog entries. How frustrating!

Furthermore, the gap between the header and blog post is too far and i don't know how to make it close. Frust betul!!

I was hoping that this one will last for a very long time, but seeing how many 'frust' word i used here, well, im not sure.

Sofya, in answering your comment well i dont even sure what's the sex for my baby yet. i havent done the scan for that yet but im hoping it's not what you guess. haha. as for the color of the clothes, we are now buying the colors that can suit both sexes.

we'll be knowing the sexes soon i guess and will let you know.

i always love the sunset here at the Esplanade where the view is always magnificent. Masha-Allah. I purposely stood like that so you can see the small bump. It's not that small anyway. :)

i love school holiday!!!

toodles~

The 1-week holiday that i've been waiting for.

im now at the end of my 17th week of pregnancy. It's not that obvious when i wear loose blouses. Can you see any different?
i hope it's not too early to prepare.

we've decided to do some preparation for the 'coming soon'. basically we bought some clothes if we found a very good deal and have been surveying the other stuff such as baby carriers, the bottles and breast pump.

my husband was quite worried of hearing the electric breast pump which is actually somehow giving me some anxieties too. haha

i think you can guess the baby sex now.

Cant never forget the feeling.

i went for my first checkup last week and scanned the baby. it's just unbelieveable to see a liltle creature who are now almost complete inside me. the last time i scanned was on my ealier week (just kantung baby at that time) and i just cant believe that it grows so fast!!

i can see the little hands and feets moving along. its already moving!!! the doc measure the head and the tummy and everything is perfect and in place.

WOW! i will never forget the feeling. i became so excited that i laughed when i see my lil on the screen, sitting there and non-stop moving. he or she is just going to be like the mommy. very active ;).

and the doctor was smiling wide to me. i know she's enjoying that moment too.

a bit sad that the husband cant be there at the moment. i have the scanned printed photo. will probably put here someday.

im today reaching my 16th week. the tummy is not really showing yet. i still can wear my baju kurung but have to alter the hook. like usual, my appetite have been ferocious. i ate rice with complete meal 3 times a day. but now im trying to cut down 1 meal. so at night usually i will have soup or something liquidy. im trying to not eat so much at night because im having tummy cramp recently. and it's really painful.

it's 11.22 am now, am at school, not having class as Form 4's students are registering today. im now having my second breakfast with tuna sandwich before the proper lunch later.

it's still january and im here to wish all of you a happy glorious new year that i hope everyone's lives will be very much better that last years. my 2012's resolution is hoping to be back to my previous pregnant shape.

will see what is going to happen as im already gained 6.5 kilo for my 1st 4 months. haha.

till then. XOXO ;)

Welcome to the real world.

Introducing the latest edition on CHCH clan. Has been born on the 23rd Dec 2011. It's not mine btw. My sister delivered this baby less than 2 hours struggling in the labour room. She has been feeling the first contraction at 3 am on that day and walked into labour room at 8.30 pm. At about 9.45 pm she delivered her baby. What an easy journey for her. i wish mine will be as easy as her too.

Like the first one, she delivered him on the 38th weeks of pregnancy. Her EDD is on early January 2012. I thankful that she delivered early so that our children will not be on the same year. ;)

And despite the pink blanket and red pillow cover, no you are wrong, the baby is a boy. The second boy for my sister's family and the 2nd grand-boy for mak and ayah.

The little cheeky monster at home who is now an 'abang'. Have been everyone's little munchkin whom being loved by everyone. Now you have a challenger!

Recently, he accidentally broke ayah's 42 inch Samsung plasma tv at home which had been bought only a year, and Toki dan Nenek tak marah pun! What a wonder. Kalaulah orang lain yang buat...

The recent me; keletihan after rounds of walking (shopping) around Legend Island, Langkawi. Twas last week. Can you see my tummy?

Time for lunch! Toddles~

Writer's block.

I always want to write something here. It's been so long and lots and lot of things happened. However, as i sit in front of the screen and started typing, everything went blank. I have so many things in my head that i don't know which one to put up first.

I have stopped writing since i came home for the long holiday. I didn't even write in my diary as well. And worst of all, i've stopped reading too!! Dont even remember when was the last time i hold a book in my hand. The last time i bought a book was on the saturday, last two weeks. And i dont even have a sneak peep of it yet.

i'm just not in the mood.

Things happen nowadays are not of what i desired.

Now, im at the in-laws. Going back home this evening. We've been travelling to and fro since we were home from Sabah. It's only 10 minutes journey so it doesn't matter really. I can return to mak's home for lunch if let say she cooks laksa lemak or her famous tomyam and back here at in-laws for minum petang. :)

My little one has been good i think. Next week we will go for the first check-up. Will update about it more later. Overall, my body have been so good despite the back ache that always always bother me, very frequent that i have to be masssaged. Owh honey, be good inside sayang. i have no problem with food that now i can wallop anything that i want haha. And yes you are correct i gain weight. Not 1 or 2. but 4 kilos!

Not good i know i know.

>Picas masa rumah mak naik air last week.

Counting days.

im now on my 7th week. Blimey!

the baby's progress is hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs although it looks more like paddles actually. Technically the baby is still an embryo with tail. It is now the size of blueberry.

My uterus has doubled in size the past 5 weeks and eating feels like a chore. i've been eating a LOT these days despite the nausea that i experience. Today i have nasi lemak for breakfast, nasi goreng kampung for lunch and just now i've just finished eating 2 breads. i think i may wallop a snack plate set of KFC if it's in front of me now.

well, thanks to the nausea and the queasiness that i've been having. and in my dictionary, i've deleted the word 'morning sickness' to be replaced with 'whole-day sickness'. i've been feeling like throwing out in the morning, at noon, in the evening as well as at nite. Blimey!

Enough about pregnancy stuff.

now i'm counting days to go home. it's another week time. cant wait seriously. my transfer application has been rejected. shocking no? and for the time being my dad said just stay put and we'll work on it once im home. i really want the transfer. so badly needed!

the SPM is coming soon. i havent met my students since the last 2 weeks. i always pray for them. hope that they are fully prepared since this maybe the exam that will decide on their future later on.

good luck guys. my prayer with u.

The zebra stripes.

My first CottonOn cardigan that i bought for myself. it's really comfy thank you. planning to get few more since i may need it for my outfit once my body starts to bloom.

this pictures was taken about 4 weeks ago when i came to visit my husband. that was at Kota Kinabalu International Airport. And if i knew that was the time that i started to carry you my honey, i should have been more careful. i jumped while taking one of the photos!! which i felt regret now haha.

well. you will never know that you are conceiving because the signs are not that clear. as for me, the symptoms came just after i realized i've missed the date of my period. that was the starting line when i became so moody, weariness, aches all parts and joints of the body and food cravings.

my weight doesnt show because to date it is still 48.5 kg. but the jeans that i wore in the pictures is now a bit difficult to button on. hehe.

owh honey. i still cant believe that im carrying you now.

Sunday cooks.

added lemon grass for fragrance taste. sedap!
husband's cook.
a glass of milk to complete my brunch.

My first letter for you.

Dear honey,

when i first look at the two lines on the test kit, my heart flip. i know this is the biggest surprise i've received my entire life. i still cant believe it. my body has been reacting wierdly- i've more cravings for food. i must always have the breakfast, full lunch and a complete dinner. all should be full meal, without fail.

i've been itchy the upper part of my body, especially the area between the navel and breast. been having a terrible pain on the shoulder and the back area. a tight cramp around the belly area that i cant laugh too loud or yawn. and the worst of all waking up every morning feeling really weak from the long sleep before like i've been doing the hard labour work all night.

owh my honey. it's all really unbearable.

and this morning when the doctor said 'that's your kantung baby, and yes you are positively pregnant!' when she showed on the screen and i saw you there. a little 2 cm oval shape, at that moment my heart flip again. i was overwhelmed with a feeling that i cant explain.

when i was cooking for your father just now, a wave of nauseous suddenly hit me that i stopped cooking straight away. i'm so hungry yet i dont feel like can swallow anything right now. the nasty nausea is still there honey.

those are all the early signs and symptoms that i feel now. and i know i must be able to get through this because you are mine. and i know you love me too.

i love you honey. and for you i will endure anything, so that you will come to our life healthily.

till then. toddles

Owh my cravings!

cravings for more meat! wierd.

images are all from google.

There's more to it.

There are phases in life that we wish it didn't happen such as putus cinta, lost the loved ones, fail in exams, dreams don't come true etc. They are such events in life that we call iincident which always means BAD. Seriously, who wants to be in a risky relationship that you know sooner or later you may loose it- the one you love. Perhaps many people have experienced it where you are really in love with that guy and suddenly he pulled the rope out. OMG, seriously the feelings are unbearable. You are still in love with him, feel closely attached to him in all other ways (you know when girls fall in love); suddenly he says he's not in love with you anymore.

Yup. Guys have the tendency to do that. I don't know of woman. Anyone have did this to anyone?

And at this phase of life you feel so lost, so alone, so miserable, so out of place. Everything you do is not right. And the person who supposed to be your lover have abandoned you- away. And you can't reach him or anything in between.

And you started to blame the Almighty of why this miserable things happen to you. Why the happiness doesn't last long, i mean forever. Why does your dream plan doesn't come true. Why?

You completely forgot the fact that you have been in ectasy happiness for the whole time you've been in love with that person. You have been so completely problem-less when all your plans go exactly you want. And at that time you forgot to be thankful to Him of that. You forget all the good things that happen to you for perhaps 23 years of your life; because once you putus cinta at the age of 24, you said He doesn't love you.

Have you ever ponder what did you do wrong before. Maybe in the relationship you have hold hands with the boyfie or girlfie. Or maybe more. Who knows?

And as for me, i've been so completely miserable all this while i've been away from my husband. It is misery yup. But once i encountered God di tikar sejadah, i started to feel calm. Husband has helped me a lot. We've been on the phone a lot, and go to and fro- imagine how much we spend on this.

I or the husband may did things that upset Him before that He tests us on this now. Realization it is.

Looking around me, i've seen much more complicated things happen. And i wonder why they still contue it when they know and realize there's no future for the dream- the so-called relationship. Don't continue the relatinship if you know there's no way you are gonna be with that person, sooner or later.

Baik menangis meraung sekarang daripada meraung 2 atau 3 tahun lagi. Because the effect is the same. Trus me. There's more to it when we don't get exactly what we want. We may get better.

Trust me.

Monster.

The monster in you.

Get rid of it.

Seriously.

Ceritera di library.

Mariam suddenly saw a small piece of paper diselit in her pencil case after a few minutes leaving her favourite spot in the library to find books. "Hai. Bleh berkenalan?"

" Eee.. sape ni? Napa tak bagi salam dulu?" spoke her heart.

.......................

"Hai awak. Hari tu saya nampak awak baca notes yang saya bagi tu. Kenapa muka awak macam marah je?"

Another notes diselit in her pencil case the next day. Mariam wondered who's the person but she couldn't care less. For her, as long as that person remain anonymous, she doesn't know and not interested to know.

"Mind your own business." spoke her heart after reading the notes.

~to be continued.

A long wishes to my only one.

I’ve never met someone who loves me that much that you do
Who always bear with whatever I do
Who always be there for me
Although sometimes I can handle by myself
You, the one who’ve never complain even I break your heart
Many times

I want to apologize from you
For whatever mistakes I’ve done
For all the sins I’ve made that you hold alone
For not able to cook for you and iron your clothes for work
For not always be your bed-company
For not being the best whenever you need me
For always moody when yo u really need me
For sleeping too long that you can’t call me
For making you worry not answering your call
For always daydreaming and not focusing on you while we speaking

For all the love, care and attention you shower me
I know you love me so much
Thank you sayang for every single thing that you do
Because I know that every single thing you do
Is because of me

For our bright and colourful future together
I promise to always stay by your side
And be strong
As I know the feelings that we have
Is totally unbreakable

On the 27th year-day you are on this earth

I am glad to admit

That i am so incredibly lucky

To have you as my life partner

Happy 27 birthday bb.

Intisari rancangan.

kalau zaman kecik-kecik dulu, hari jumaat je ayah akan beli surat khabar. kan hari jumaat cuti. weekend gitu kalau bagi orang duduk belah key ell. dan setiap jumaat ada satu pasar tani yang super besar dan super best di pekan. jadi, setiap jumaat akan berpeluang menengok surat khabar. laman utama yang dituju mesti kat part 'Intisari Rancangan' untuk stesyen tb.

masa tu ada 3 stesyen tb je. tb 1, 2 dan 3. biasanya kalut sangat mau tahu cite hindustan apa jam 2 petang di tb 2 untuk hari tu. hihi. pastu akan nengok ada mega movie atau cerekarama yang best dak malam nya. biasanya malam minggu ayah let us watch tv till a bit late.

weekdays pulak, memang takda harapan nak watch tb till late. in case ayah keje sampai lewat malam baru boleh senyap-senyap tgk tb. to ensure mak tak tahu. tapi volume paling bawah dan tak on kipas. kan, lau ayah tetiba balik, kantoi je kipas masih berpusing walaupun dh di off. haha. bergelap dan kepanasan lah. sanggup tu semata-mata nak tengok cite. paling ingat cite Fantaghiro- The cave of the golden rose.

must find the dvd for the series.

this weekend, since i am not going to my husband's place, so i need to draw up my own intisari rancangan for the weekend. supaya tidak kebosanan. my husband will be staying alone in his rent house this weekend too. sama-sama lah kami berdua menahan kebosanan weekend yang bagi orang lain hanya 2 hari, but for us, it is loooooong 48 hours.

heh.

sampai sekarang masih buntu apakah intisari rancangan weekend ini. bleergh!

Orange instead of pink.

Manchester United tetap di hati. owh. Memang terngiang-ngiang dalam mimpi mahu pakai pink. checking my closet now i realise i don't really have pink outfits.

hah.

need more pinkish after this. and i think i'l try to wear long skirts la plak. let see how it goes. ;)

It is in our hands.

these days i've been having few conversation which revolves around the same topic. of how bored and how routined is our life right now. the same job, the same morning wake- ups, the same routine ofwaking up, eat, watching tv, sleep and it goes the same routine again. and again. how it bored the life of mine. that is for sure.

and with no loved ones close to, i think i've just have enough of it. the routine i mean.

being in this job, i can say that i am still the novice. however i just can't feel the urge, the adrenalin to continue surviving in this job is not there anymore. maybe i need a change.

when some friends open up to me saying that their life is bored, i just can't stop myself to response that it's your life and you are in charge of it. it is in your hands to colour the life that you want to make it beautiful.

it is in your hands.

it is the truth i know that. despite being able to say those motivational words to others, i am still loosing myself. i can't colour my own life. and perhaps, i am the worst among the friends who admit of their life to me. i need the transfer so bad. i just need to be close to my family or my loved ones so bad.

owh God, i am lifeless here.