Hail to BF.

Before i got married, i've read a lot about breastfeeding and how vital it is for baby's development. There are many bloggers at that time who 'fight' on breasfeeding and how much they emphasize on BF. Me myself agreed with them. I've been exposed to BF since i was small because my mak is full-time housewife and having seen all my younger sisters and brothers fully breasfed by mak made me think that BF is not a peculiar thing. Its normal for a mother to breastfeed their babies. And till now i cant think of logical reason for some mothers not to breastfeed their baby.

Now come to my own experience. Im blessed because my milk came out a day before i delivered my baby. And i've got to experience the first time of feeding my baby, right next after he was delivered. It was surreal!!! I was in amaze how a tiny creature who has just been born knows how to open his mouth and suck on the milk. Macam dah pandai-pandai je. hehe. 

The first few days, Muizz refused to latch on due to insufficient shape of my nipple (haha) and lack of milk. He cried a lot and loud(!), but mak kept repeating 'Bagi jugak... Biar die nangis dulu. Nanti kalau dah start bagi botol, die langsung taknak.' So, tahan je lah telinga listening to his cries, tho sometimes i cried as well.

After a week, my baby was feeding well. The next problem is pain lingering around my breast each time i feed Muizz. It was my first time obviously and it's quite hard to properly latch on with his tiny mouth. On the 6th day, my nipple became sore and started to crack and bleed. Luckily it only happened on one side so i was able to feed my baby on the other side. Seriously, the pain is unbearable. I cant even wear bra at that time.

I did my research and i realized the reason of that is my baby did not latching on properly. So the correct way is:

How do I latch my baby onto my breast?

To feed well, your baby needs to use his tongue to scoop in a big mouthful of your breast. 

Your baby's bottom lip and tongue need to get to your breast first, and touch your breast as far from the base of the nipple as possible. 

Bring your baby to your breast with his head tipped back. He should be leading with his chin. With his head tipped back, let his lips touch your nipple.




Your baby will respond by dropping his lower jaw. 

Move him quickly and smoothly to your breast, aiming his bottom lip as far away from the base of your nipple as you can.

From babycentre.co.uk

Well. Easier said that done, i still experience the pain recently. Tapi tak la sampai berdarah. The nipple became really sore. There are times i forced myself to tahan the pain sampai keluar air mata each time my baby was feeding. :(

But the pain comes and goes. Lucky me it only happen on one side at a time. So im able to still breastfeed directly while pumping on the other side.

Pregnancy does a lot of things to me. My breast is huge that i always compare the size with my baby's head during the feeding haha. Breasfeeding is fun but talking about what BF do to your breast; the pain during feeding and the pain if not feeding. The breast become engorged, producing too much milk and making breast leak. I've got to experience this once when i left my baby to the bank. Mula-mula tak perasan, sampai la my sister tegur dah basah baju. lol.   

Its a new experience for me. But im still waiting for more exciting things to happen next. Muizz is now a very healthy baby. The next clinic visit is next wednesday for his 2 months jab and rasanya he can reach 6 kg at that time. Sekarang feeding him pun dan rasa lenguh lengan. 

 Cant wait to weight me as well.

We grow as nature wants it.

Today i went out alone- without my husband and my baby or any sister with me. 

I went to bank to make new bank card since i've lost it. Well, even staying at home i manage to lost things. Talking about how careless i am which is just so not me. My husband also pelik with this since im always the one who's able to manage things. Im just human beings sayang.

Otw home i went to Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara to collect muizz's mykid. Sempat lagi singgah di bazar ramadan Kampung Raja, padahal tak puasa pun. lol. 

Driving alone makes me think how i feel just like the old times; single, going out alone, driving in high speed, settling matters that is pertinent to me, without thinking of other people's needs, my baby might cries for feeding or having to rush back home for things that matter. I feel so free that i manage to settle everything in less than 2 hours- of driving from bank to JPN to bazar ramadan with all the traffics, cars stopping in every single gerai di tepi jalan and whatnot.

When i reflect back what had happened to me this few months, i just still cant believe that im now a mother and i have a small baby to cater for. Sometimes i even cant believe that im married! I know it cliche, but how time flies.

Looking back to when i was pregnant, carrying my baby inside me was the longest 9 months in my life- on how my body grew and stretched to be a balloon. Till now i still cant believe that i have the strength to push my baby out of me. The weight, the aches, the labour pain- all of those are far far away from my mind. Macam dah lama berlalu. Everything is so surreal now.

And i smile alone in the car thinking of those experience that taught me the real life.

When i arrive home, my baby is still sleeping fitfully. Just right i change my clothes, he cries. Time for feeding. ;)

Toddles

Welcome Ramadhan 2012.

This time, Ramadhan seems to come earlier than expected. Macam cepat je masa berlalu especially for me who's doing nothing at home. Well, enjoying my time-fully. 

Basically i spend 24-7 of my time looking after my Muizz. It was fun and challenging at the same time; getting to know him, his needs, what to do when he cries, how frequent to feed him or change the diapers and such.

There are times when i felt really hopeless when he cries and cries non-stop but he's well fed and clean... Well, at those times i wish he can speak out what he felt (lol). With my husband far away from me, i'm very lucky to have my mak with me. She's such a professional in dealing with babies i tell you.

Last year's Ramadhan, i spent little time with my other half. Sama jugak tahun ni. He will be in Sabah alone and i'll still be at home. Very sad i know. But, what i see is, this is a small challenge and sacrifice that we must do to enjoy years of years of Ramadhan and other months together next. He'll be home celebrating the Ramadhan btw. That's quite a good news.

Im not able to fast- celebrating Ramadhan this year, but i may be able to, after half way of it. Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan barakah to all muslimin and muslimat. Semoga amalan kita semua diterima dan diberkati Allah swt.

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah, for giving me another chance to taste the sweetness of Ramadhan kareem.

Down with fever.

Its been 2 days and today i feel worst. My baby got slight flu at first and the bugs finally got its way to me. Now, my head feeling like it's going to burst and pity my baby he cant really sleep well at night due to the blocking nose.

Because of that too, ive got a terrible migraine on the day due to lack of sleep at night.

Get well soon my baby. Mummy miss your cheery side ;)

My Muizz is a month.

Alhamdulillah. He's one healthy boy. Will go to clinic lusa for his one month jab. Boleh dengar la budak nangis kuat nanti hehe.

Im excited btw cause im leaving the house for the 1st time after 30 solid days!

Supaya tidak lupa.

Sudah bertahun rasanya mahu try buat basic cake yang adaptable dengan pelbagai jenis cake bile ditambah/ ditukar perisa nya. Ada jugak cari-cari resepi selama ni, cuma tak ada kerajinan untuk mencuba. Since dah berpuluh hari terpaksa berkurung di rumah, dengan spontan nya rajin itu muncul.

Terus cari resepi and then 45 minit after baking, tadaaaaa...

Hehe. Dah separuh tinggal. Supaya next time tak lupa dan boleh rujuk anytime, here's the recipe:

1 cawan gula kastor

1 cawan butter

2 cawan tepung gandum

5 biji telur

2 sudu besar susu pekat manis

2 sudu teh soda bikarbonat

esen vanila

* pewarna merah dan hijau

*Untuk kek lain, tukar sahaja perisa for example choc powder or choc rice or orange or almond. Boleh jugak buat marble cake ;)

Senang dan sedap. Jadilah kek gebu!

Semalam, my sister kemaruk nak makan caramel puding. Tup tap tup, siap!!!

Penuh periuk!! For this, resepi nya di double. Buat dua hidangan sebab semalam rmai orang di rumah. Here's the recipe for 1 hidangan.

4 biji telur

1 tin susu cair

2 sudu teh esen vanila

1/2 cawan air

3 sudu besar susu pekat manis

bahan B

1 cawan gula

1 cawan air

* Semalam lepas masak terlembik sedikit. So next time kene tambah tepung barang 2 sudu besar 1 hidangan. ;)

One of my sister puasa yesterday dan mengidam nak makan steak. So, perah otak cuba ingat-ingat balik resepi for black pepper sauce yang sudah berkarat, akhirnya

Homemade beefsteak. Sedap :)

Muizz dah bangun. Mandi time now. Babai.

The 28th June.

Waking up on my birthday with my boy comfortably snuggle up beside me and a lovely lengthy text from beloved husband, im in bliss.

I couldnt ask for more, except for husband to be here with me too.

On my 27th birthday, all i can say is Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for blessing me with wonderful gifts not everyone could have it.

Happy 1st anniversary to my marriage!!!

This was our simple dinner on the 28th May 2012 at a random gerai di Padang Bas Jerteh. My nasi goreng paprik was not that paprik. Mine was better i think. And husband didnt finish his nasi goreng that night. Lucky for me- i finished them all. Well, i was 2 people that time. lol.

Tq husband for allowing me to have the last yummy cheesecake that night.

Tq husband for always be there for me, no matter how.

Tq husband for ALWAYS be patience with me.

I love you baby. More than you do.

For more wonderful years with you and our kid (s).

My baby story.

Today is supposed to be my EDD (Expected Due Date). If the count is right my baby should be delivered today. But he's already outside with me (!) and this is my 1st experience of giving birth to my baby boy 17 days ago.

7th June 2012- Thursday

Today is the day. Am i ready for this? The only question i have in my mind the whole journey from home to the hospital. After arriving at the hospital, i was admitted to a ward at 11.45 am. The ward consist of 4 patients and although im not ok with sharing room but, there's no single room available at the time. They promise to move me when there's any single room available. Hopefully by this evening.

12.18 pm

My OB (Dr Lily) came and induced me. The first ubat was given and it was really really hurt!!! ( ;'( ). I almost cried because of that. She said i am 1 cm dilated. I have to lie down for 1 hour after the induce- unfortunately at that time i felt like going to toilet to pee. What a suffer. Uhuk.

The thing with induce is, the effect will be seen and checked after 4 hours. If it opens for 3 cm, they will move me to labour room to give more ubat and deliver. Dengar macam senang je.

1.20 pm

The nurse came and checked the baby's heart beat and my contraction. Everything is normal Alhamdulillah- but i didnt feel any pain yet. I went to the toilet and right after that my family arrived. It was a very small space for my big family. They stopped for a while and went off to our apartment house to rest. I kept praying that they will move me to a single room so that the visitors (my family) will be more comfortable to visit. i was left with mak and my husband.

3.00 pm

I was moved to single room. Yeay. Comfortable and private. 

5.00 pm

Dr Lily came in. I was 2 cm dilated. And once again the medication was inserted into my vagina to speed up the dilation process. Once again it hurts me!!! I can see my husband's face changed when he sees me in agony. Seriously, i became so trauma everytime the door opens, afraid that the doc came to check me again.

Now is the second waiting game. I really want this to happen now. The pain started hitting me. It became stronger each time the clock ticked. A series of blood and yellowish mucus at about 9 pm and the contractions were stronger and longer. But that was it. It didnt really make me feel like pushing yet. Since i was admitted, i didnt know what to do, so i recited suratul Maryam, suratul Taubah and suratul Yasin; a few ayat that i already memorised from my reading to ease the pain and InsyaAllah makes the labour easy. 

My husband was with me all the time. i can see that he's also not comfortable with what is happening to me. The whole family and in-laws came and kind of camping in my room. i also realized that my milk is already coming out. Alhamdulillah. A good sign for my coming-soon baby.

10.30 pm

The pain subsided and completely stopped then. Perhaps the medication has lost its effect. I was able to sleep well that night. A part of me was relief because i was not ready to deliver yet. My body was exhausted and i dont think i might be able to make a big push that night. However, a part of me was quite frustrated. The pain really affected me but it still didnt happen. " Bila lagi...?"

8th June 2012- Friday

Mak said i was born on Friday. So maybe my baby will come out today. 

Another day started and im still in the same room, on the same bed still bloated with baby inside. Im praying hard that its happening today.

10.45 am

My OB came and inserted the medication for the third time. Like i said earlier, i was traumatic with the experience and it REALLY REALLY hurt!!! I felt like kicking the doctor right there and then. :'(. She said i was 2 cm dilated. Now i can really feel the pain. The contractions were stronger than everrrr!!!

12.45 pm

The pain subsided! Owh my. I felt really low this time. I dont want to be induced 4 times. Im already ready for this. i want it to happen. My husband soothing me and he said whenever this is going to happen, he will always be with me.

I lost track of time but it think it maybe 2 pm that i started to feel the intense pain. And the number on the contraction metre reached 99%. 

3.45 pm

Dr Lily came in and checked- i was 3 cm dilated. i was moved to the labour room and get ready for labour. I walked to the labour room because i want to. As i was inside, they put me in a room- with a drip on my hand. The drip consisted of medication and it will make the contractions became stronger and more intense. She also did a process called rupturing the membranes. They inserted a small, long plastic hooked instrument through the cervix to break the amniotic sac. This procedure called amniotomy causes not only discomfort, but pain too. This process alone enough to get my contractions going. 

Its expected that i will deliver in another 7 hours since im only 3 cm dilated and for first baby, the dilation will happen 1 hour per cm. i dont know whether i can last that long waiting since the pain really eat me up. The nurse checked me again at 5 pm, and she said im still 3 cm dilated. My heart dropped! At this time, she inserted her fingers through my cervix and manually moving her fingers inside and i was in pain like hell. My husband hold me tightly this time and he put the oxygen on my face to breath. i was feeling high with pain at this time. I hate that nurse! Seriously.

5.45 pm

The nurse injected me with something to release the pain. The injection makes me sleepy and she said its good for later, as i need the energy to push my baby later on. I was high with drug this time that im not really aware when my husband went off for maghrib prayer, my MIL, mok (grandmother), untie, my younger and elder sister took turn to come in and out of my room. They did everything they can to soothing me- massaged my lower back and somehow it ease the pain. 

I was asleep until 7 pm. When i woke up, another patient was brought in and shortly after that, she delivered her baby. I was so depressed. My husband was with me all the time. He was such my backbone since i cant really feel my bone at that time. 

7.00 pm - 9.00 pm

I cant describe the pain that i feel this time. Looking at the watch, and it didnt yet 11 or 12 oclock, i felt so stressed. My OB said the expected time for my delivery will be around that area, but i cant tahan anymore. I asked the nurse to check my dilation and she said 5 cm- meaning that i have to wait another 5 hours to push. Ya Allah, i cant do this anymore. The pain is killing me. at 9 pm, Dr Lily came in and said my dilation is already 8 cm- just 10 minutes after the nurse checked me. 

She asked me to baring mengiring and dont push yet. i have to wait for another 2 cm before i can push. i cant wait anymore. As i was lying down on my side, each contraction i felt, i push so hard to ease the pain. And i started feeling that my baby's head is coming down. i asked my mak to check but she said, nothing showed yet. The third time i push- sambil mengiring- i asked my husband to check and he said "dah nampak kepala baby!!!" 

And my OB and nurses came rushing to prepare for the delivery. When everything is ready, my OB instructed me to push.

" Ok. tarik nafas panjang-panjang, Bismillah then push kuat-kuat." This is what im waiting for all day long. So i pushed with all my might and boy, i felt so good. But i was stuck. My OB kept saying " pandai-pandai. Jangan stop, sambung push.."

I stopped and i felt that i lost my breath. The nurses, mak and husband asked me to tarik nafas once again and push. At this time i already realized how to 'sambung' the push. I took a deep breath, and push so hard. I can hear my husband was counting to my right ear- 1, 2, 3, 4 ... When i reached the end of my breath, i took a short breath to 'sambung' the push. And then i saw my baby came out- macam meluncur laju je on the bed.

Alhamdulillah. 

At 9.33 pm, Muizz Abyan was born.

Anyway, Muizz Abyan means " strengthen, honourable and eloquent".

He is indeed my strength. And no doubt he completes me, my life with my beloved husband.

Husband's flight is tomorrow. I still cant believe that time flies so fast. Its already saturday and his paternity leave will be over tomorrow.

His confirmed next flight home will be for the aidilfitri. I dont know whether i can last that long, missing him.

miserable mood. :'(

My 1-week boy.

"Your baby's been here just a week, but it may seem as though you've lived a lifetime in that week. The excitement of having your baby with you at last is probably coupled with something close to exhaustion. Lack of sleep, getting used to breastfeeding,worrying if your baby has jaundice, recovering from your baby's birth may all be slowing you down. But don't despair: it will get easier! Your newborn is settling into life, still feeding and sleeping around the clock. It will take her some time to tell day from night. It may not look like your newborn is doing much. But there's plenty going on inside her little body. She's growing fast, and already she's spending a few hours each day quietly and alertly absorbing the new world around her."

###From BabyCenter this week. 

Except that 'she' is 'he' and sadly, my boy is still has jaundice. The first check-up was 7, and then it goes up to 9 and yesterday it was 11.8. The number is worrying but so far, he's been drinking so much and also his bladder is working on well too. I'm just hoping that the number will decrease this sunday InsyaAllah.

Introducing the new product of me. :p

Alhamdulillah...

Was safely delivered at 9.33pm, 8th of June 2012. After 2 days of on-off pain; he was an induced-delivered boy. Will blog about this later. For now i just can't take my eyes off him. My sweetheart!

Till then~

False alarm.

After a day of on-off bearable pain and series of blood show, seems like the baby is still comfortable inside. Another day has come and im still a pregnant lady.

Ya Allah you've set everything fair for everything. Please let everything goes on smoothly today. And to you my baby,mummy cant wait to see u syg.

Final.

These few weeks i have been thinking of ONE thing to do which i realize can change my whole life altogether. Whether it's for good or bad, let's time decides it.

i've made the decision and im keeping on it. It's a big step as some people may say because who are we to go against God's plan? But, its final. And i hope it's for good cause.

Pray for me folks.

Will update more soon.

I dont believe im pregnant.

Sometimes i have this feeling that i'm still in dazed; that im now hugely pregnant and am about to deliver a new life just in days now.

The expected date should be on the 25th but i just cant wait to see my baby. I hope to deliver way earlier than expected. My body just cant managed anymore i reckon. However im not sure whether im ready to do it or not. The labour i mean. and the pain of course.

My body have been having severe pain these days that i cant really sleep well at night. I cant walk fast, i mean the normal human speed like before and what i can say is all the 'urats' in by body have been ached. Like forever.

Husband will be leaving soon to Sabah in another week. And obviously that makes me feel worse. I just cant imagine how to face labour without him. Even now, i cant imagine sleeping with him without at night.

Perhaps this will make me stronger since i have few more months separating from him before i return back to Beaufort. im just hoping he will do fine overthere alone.

Dear you.

This maybe the final letter for you until after you are born.

You have been moving a lot few months back that you sometimes made me difficult to sleep and sometimes woke me up. It's a tingling sensation everytime you move inside me because i know that you are there and Gosh, you are Alive!! haha. When you move and make my belly goes here and there, it always amaze me. How can you live inside there. Subhanallah God's creation. 

This last few weeks, your movement is lesser than before. And knowing that was because you are bigger now and you've grown so much, i feel so blessed. I know that you are there, inside me, doing slight movement from time to time just waiting to be out. 

It doesn't always easy with you sayang. i've been having serious pain and cramp at every corner of my joints and parts these days. When i sit down, it's difficult for me to get up and vice versa. Your unties have to be so patience with me that i've been ordered them to do this and that due to my difficulties to move. When i lay down, it's unbearable to just turn to the left or right.

My feet and hand have been swollen so bad that my marriage ring can only be wore until the nail haha. i've been feeling so numb for both hand and now i have to buy soft ball to do hand exercise. Sometimes i can't even feel my fingers. Sometimes the twinge to my hand is intolerable. I cant even brush my teeth, or hold spoon for more than 10 seconds. It hurts. Really.

And worst of all, every step i take is now killing my heel!!! Arghhh.

But whatever is happening to me now, i know it's for you sayang. And it's all will be over once you are born. Few more weeks to go. Daddy and mummy can't wait to see you and how will look like. ;)

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala nya. Amin.

It has been a busy 'eating' day.

Today is my official 2nd day at home. And this is the list of what have i eaten since i woke up this morning. Ikut turutan dari pagi hingga petang. Here we go:

1. Toast with butter and sugar
2. Nasi bungkus lauk ayam masak merah
3. Kueh- mueh seperti roti bakar, cekmek, kuih bom, puding karamel
4. Fruits: nangka, jagung madu, rambutan and mangga
5. Nasi air Kak Som 2 mangkuk (will blog about this in another entry)
6. Sira pisang
7. Pisang goreng and ubi goreng
8. Kepok lekor
9. Toast with cream cheese spread
10. The list will continue tonight i reckon haha

Btw tomorrow is 1 Rejab. The whole house akan berpuasa tomorrow including me. Its the last day for my ganti too. Alhamdulillah.

A bit of tazkirah buat renungan semua:

Rasullullah s.a.w. bersabda;

“Puasa 1 hari pada bulan Rejab seperti puasa 40 tahun dan diberi minum air dari syurga”

"Ketahuilah bahawa bulan Rejab itu adalah bulan Allah, maka barangsiapa yang berpuasa satu hari dalam bulan Rejab dengan ikhlas, maka pasti ia mendapat keredhaan yang besar dari Allah swt.

Selamat berpuasa semua.

Of pumping and breastfeeding.

A little story to share.

When i arrived home last saturday that i learned my sister has stopped breastfeeding her 5 months old boy. And worst, her milk is receding too. It's not just happened recently but when the boy was 3 and half months old. She is a working mum just like me and when she delivered this second baby she started to actively pumping her milk, stored and gave to the baby when he needed. 

Basically it was done to ensure that the baby got full benefits through mummy's milk. And also to train the kids with bottle once she returned to work. It goes on as planned. When she was at school, the pengasuh or my mum will feed the baby by using the bottle. But it's still mommy's milk. When she returned from work, she will feed the baby directly. And keep on pumping the milk for storage.

Knowing herself, she worried that her milk will not last long. So, when the baby reached 3 months, she started giving the baby formula milk. But she still mixed it with her milk. But, more with her milk la..

She was still feeding the baby directly, pumping and feeding the baby with her milk with bottle when she's at work as well as mixing with formula milk. One day, the baby didn't want to be fed directly. He preferred the bottle. When my sister tried to feed him, he refused but when she pumped the milk and put into the bottle, he will drink it. It was sad btw but how to force a small innocent baby.

When my sister asked the nurse, she said, maybe because the boy didn't like the real nipple and prefer the teats from the bottle. That's answer the question. And as we all know, mommy's milk will recede once the baby stopped feeding. And sadly, now her milk is i can say gone, empty, and the baby keep on feeding with formula milk. And he's not 6 months yet.

Every night, instead of just lifting up the tops to feed the baby, she has to wake up 3 to 4 times a night to prepare the milk for her baby.

This is her firs time that she actively pumping and giving her milk with bottle when she's at work. She didn't do this for the first child. Ironically the first child was fed until he was 2 years old. So, what my sister advises me is, you can pump the milk, but make sure the baby doesn't like the teats more than the nipple, because once he refused to be fed, that's it. Feed the baby directly as much as possible without using the bottle.

Well. i think everyone's experience is different. But this one, i can learn from it too.

O Yeah!

Im starting my 3 months break today.

ooooooo yeah!

Photoshoot 7 months.

im very excited that i finally got my copy of the latest book by Sophie Kinsela. Been dreaming of the books since i returned from umrah and caught my eye at the bookstore di KLIA. But at that time, i was not in budget, so kene sangat bersabar. Just imagine how i felt that time!

Those who a big fan of her should grab it too. Happy reading!